The most important of the four preference categories is the one that addresses how we communicate with one another, the very life blood of humanity. To express ourselves to one another and to be understood is the foundation of human connection.
There are two ways to communicate and they are as different as the languages of Italian and Spanish. Imagine a community where Spanish was spoken by 80% of the people while the remaining 20% spoke ItaliaN (lets call them “S” and “N,” respectively). Now, imagine further that people in this community did not know that they there was such a thing as S and N communication preferences. To them, they would simply have difficulty understanding and being understood by some people in the community, and hence be less connected to those people with different communication preferences. Relatively speaking in this hypothetical community, four out of five people that an S would meet would speak the same language; so it would be less problematic that one in five times, when they would meet an N, that they would walk away scratching their head and thinking to themselves that the conversation they just had was a little strange. On the other hand, given that four out of five people that an N meets would be an S, there would be a regularity to the fact that they were having difficulty communicating with the majority of the other members of the community and that this lack of connected communication was, in a sense, just the way life was for the most part.
The community herein is not really hypothetical. In terms of how personalities are characterized psychologically as it relates to communication, the Ss are called the Sensates and are focused on details, concrete facts and literal interpretation when communicating, while the Ns are called the iNtuitives and are focused on concepts, hypothesis and figurative interpretation. By way of example, a typical S driven conversation will likely be more oriented towards facts and data and the realm of “what is”. This could include speaking about things like recent and upcoming weather or a recent sporting event as well as the specific actions of the star athletes on or off the field.
Alternatively, a typical N driven conversation will likely be more oriented towards concepts and ideas and the realm of what “could be.” This could include asking the question of why something is the way that it is and wondering aloud about how things would be different if something about it were to be changed. And then continuing on in the conversation with what additional ramifications this change might have and what else might need to happen to ensure the change is optimized. N’s like to consider abstract things and the prior couple of sentences in and of themselves are abstract. So, to be more specific, an N might pose a question as part of a conversation like: What would happen if artificial intelligence were to eliminate the vast majority of jobs? And then hypothesize about the potential answers like: 1) New jobs would be created as a by-product of AI; or 2) Mankind would be forced to redefine what it means to live in a society that occupied with and defined by working. Either of these conversations could be a longer or shorter depending on the communication preferences of the participants.
We all will, and like to, engage in both types of conversations at different times, in different circumstances and with the different people in our lives. The difference lies in the relative level of interest and the amount of time we want to engage in that style of communication.
Discovering your core communication style preferences is the beginning of self-awareness. Developing the ability to choose to communicate in the preferred mode of your conversational counterpart is the beginning of social awareness.